Still Waiting

Thursday, September 01, 2005

haha.. now i have the mood for blogging.. been so irritated this few days.. haiz.. don't know why.. PMS? beats me.

lol.. just now dated audrina for a jog.. but she was late.. in the end we didnt see each other at all.. LOL.. hahaha.. i thought she couldnt make it, so i went home to check my HP.. well.. so sorry for putting her pigeon. XD lol.. wad english is that.. "-_- hahaz.. its ok de la dear.. no need keep saying sorry lol.. i'm oso at fault.. so last minute ask u out.. hahaa.. but actually wanted to catch up with u de ma.. so long didnt chat le.. yest oso no time rite.. haiz.. miss my daughters so much..

anyways.. teachers' day was fun yesterday.. obviously i went back to prss la.. haha actually i wanted to pon tpjc's teachers' day for half a day only.. but was held back by juniors and teachers.. since i didnt want to miss out the fun, i decided to stay in prss.. haha.. was really fun... really missed everyone there.. the canteen aunties and uncles.. the food... yest was fried food day!! i still remember! haha.. the macdonald seats.. the canteen tables.. red and blue... the juniors... haiz.. they are really sweet little things.. =( miss them so much.. hoho.. didnt see jeremy though. =) hahah~~ proud or not.. ur name here leh!! XD lol.. anyway sorry audrina.. didnt go n sit with u guys.. did regret lor... but den i will feel so left out if i sit there.. =( den jy n hui is around ma.. tio trapped between juniors and friends. haiz..

i don't understand why i always have to juggle between my girlfriends, my juniors n CO friends, and my school mates.. they are all separate group of pple who wldnt mix with each other lor.. sometimes i feel a little disappointed but most of the time i feel busy and trapped la.. have to entertain both sides.. haiz. =( den with juniors.. oso dunno wad to ask except for studies.. sometimes keep asking abt studies is very boring de leh. lol..

the prss concert wasnt that bad, it was quite fun though.. except that this year.. so many programmes is on rock band lor.. quite boring and noisy, but i like that "all about you"-mcfly by a malay guy la.. cant remember lol.. and i ABSOLUTELY LOVE MR POH'S DANCE!!!
HAHAHAHAHA!!! got us seniors so high lo.. haha... so funny!!! kept laughing non stop sia.. hahaha.. so damn funny.. mr poh u rock!!!! gosh... lol.. so sad.. he's leaving soon.. haiz.. nxt time come back to prss.. he wldnt be around to crap with us.. i really admire his spirit!! dare to dance so loudly!! haha.. mr poh.. good luck to wadeva u're gonna do in future k.. i miss u! haha.. must keep in touch..

yay.. felt so much better now.. couldnt believe i felt so worse off in the morning and afternoon.. haiz.. cos tt guoming lor.. kaoz.. nv call jingxuan to inform her that there'll be a PW meeting this morning when i asked him to.. so jx didnt come lar.. haiz.. nvm lor.. but our project is hor.. (#%
@#&^#$%#^&*@(#& de lor... sighs.. dunno when can we finish it.

anyways.. i felt so guilty.. since yesterday afternoon.. sighs... so guilty lor.. perhaps i can never forgive myself.. =( i shouldnt have started anything at all.. perhaps then i wldnt feel so heart broken + guilty now.. though i had a good time looking at him =) hehe.. well.. it originates from a simple reason, as well as sad, cos.. that may be the last time i ever get such a long and good look at him. ='( ok lar.. dun say le if not i'll cry one.

ok.. this long blog.. will include some things about parents.. everytime i think of the times i disappoint my parents, i'll tear immediately lor.. perhaps not to the extend of crying, but just tear la. well.. i feel indebted to my parents.. if they didnt bring me into this world, they will have all the freedom in the world, my mum wouldnt be suffering from arthritis now.. its becos she gave birth to us.. thats why she is suffering from this horrible illness.. for peeps who don't know, i'll say how much this illness hurt. i'm sure all of u have suffered joint pains before right? after exercising too vigorously.. and it hurts every single second. imagine.. u cant even stand it for a day.. let alone so many years already..it doesnt go away. it'll be there forever, medication only helps to reduce the pain. sighs. and its not curable.

in the past, i used to envy my friends.. weitian, jiatyue.. for having such close and sweet relationship with their mums.. n i used to dislike my family because i don't feel happy in it.. my family isnt the kind of ppl i want, and i became so rebellious, especially when i wasnt feeling good at that moment.

of cos.. my mum kept worrying about me, so she kept scolding me because i don't listen, and that created a lot of friction between us.. my sis kept talking to me.. sec 3 and sec 4 life was really bad, because i had frequent quarrels with them.. nearly twice every week.. actually.. i wonder how i had survived those periods of them.. and got through my o lvls.. haha...

now.. i realise my folly.. because..
my mum work so hard, as a babysitter, as a seamstress, to provide money for us.. yet i spend it away so quickly.
my mum work so hard to do all the housework.. to give us more time for our work.. yet i still hang on the comp so long..
my father work all day.. as a factory worker.. for almost twelve hours.. to give us 3 meals a day.. to give us clothing and a shelter. yet i didnt appreciate all of these.
he oftened cared for me by asking how my homework is, what time i'll be waking up tmr, nagging me to sleep earlier, all for my own good. yet i shooed him off by saying "ya la ya la.. aiyo.. ok la... haiz.."
when i woke up late in the morning, my dad will definitely send me to school.. yet in the past i felt ashamed because he rides a bike, not a car. of cos, now i don't mind, because its so much cooler to sit in a bike. except the helmet =)

see... i'm such an ungrateful daughter. i feel so guilty of it sometimes... and luckily they are still alive beside me..and i still have one more chance to make up to them.. because i love them...

they work so hard, they gave up their freedom, youth, and a lot other opportunity costs, to have children(us), and give us a good life.. i hope i'll always remember their kindness, understanding, love and everything.. so one day i'll repay them, and reduce their pain in life. They love me deeply, i understand.. because this is the telepathy between a child and her parents. =)

now i learnt that.. my parents are really really different from my friend's parents.. because they are simply unique =) we don't use gifts and money to express our love for each other, we use true love and sincerity for their birthday presents.. we don't always say "i love you mummy/daddy/sister", we keep it in our hearts and this creates the invisible bond that holds this family together.

if you cried for your family because they scolded you, it's because you love them.. so you cry.. if your family scolds you, it's because they care.. they want you to do much better in life then they do.. thats how family love works. =) wonderful? i think so. =>

-when are you coming back? ;